When Punishment Becomes a Reward and 3 Ways to Fix That
In the world of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), what matters most is the data. So many parents use verbal redirections — often born of anger — to stop their children’s behaviors. In
this blog, we will explore why that seldom works with any degree of consistency.
What is Punishment?
Many modern parenting movements cast punishment in a negative light. However, punishment in ABA is simply the application of some outcome that decreases the chances of a behavior recurring. Some folks confuse aversives — yelling, spanking, social isolation — with punishment. Aversives typically are not nearly as effective as folks wish they were. So why do people keep using them?
The answer is often that the parent feels better when they yell or place their child alone in a room. Sometimes the use of an aversive might work. If it works just enough, and randomly enough, the decrease or elimination of the problem behavior is very rewarding to the parent. That random pattern of success builds a surprisingly durable habit of reaching for aversives. Unfortunately, what works best will never be tried when aversives are the main strategy.
When Do Punishments Become Rewards?
When we use punishment to mean aversiveness, what parents intend as punishment often turns into a reward — for everyone involved. Parents feel less anger or stress after they yell at a child, and that reduction in negative emotion is rewarding to them. When children receive attention, even attention that carries angry words, the attention itself can be rewarding. These two dynamics define the major ways “punishments” become rewards.
What to Do: 3 Steps to Effective Punishment
Define Punishment and Problem Behaviors
Keep in mind that punishment reduces — or eliminates — a problem behavior. By holding onto that as your goal, you can refocus when things get hard. Ask yourself: “What specifically do I want my child to stop doing?”
Find the Replacement Behavior
One underused strategy is simply adding something good to a behavior you want to see more of — a replacement behavior. When parents deliberately reward an alternative behavior, the problem behavior gets crowded out. Adding a reward to compete with the problem behavior is more effective, and frankly more pleasant for everyone, than adding a consequence to the problem behavior itself.
A problem behavior keeps happening because of what it produces. Attention is often the payoff. If we know the reward is attention, the next question is: what do we want the child to do instead? Once we identify an alternative, we can reward that replacement behavior consistently and drive down the problem behavior simultaneously.
Change How You React
This is the hardest step — and the most important. Parents will need to:
- Decide what the replacement behavior looks like;
- Teach it by setting an example;
- Prompt it in situations that used to trigger yelling;
- Praise it heavily and pay real attention when the child uses it;
- Notice it even when unprompted, so the reinforcement stays consistent.
Soon the replacement behavior will take over, and the old triggers will lose their pull.
What to Do If You Need Help
Parents of neurodivergent children often find themselves responding to aggressive or self-injurious behaviors with attention — precisely because those behaviors are overwhelming. That’s not failure; that’s human. But it means outside help can make the difference. Finding a provider with genuine ABA expertise can turn things around faster than going it alone.